Street Justice

Like a gangster, I need to make a move
Desperate to do something quick to improve
my quality of life, my well being
my source of survival, my lifes meaning
I need to get back on my feet again
I need to fiend for what I believe in
by doing things I should not be doing
for and against my values, confusing?
my crime is not malevolent or malign
poetic justice, it’s called sometimes
where virtue is rewarded vice punished
persistence, til my life’s work is finished

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24 Comments

  1. Like a gangster, I need to make a move
    Desperate to do something quick to improve

    awesome to hear…
    welcome to the rally.
    have fun!

  2. Wow, took a couple of reads to make sure I had the message correct! Neat turn of phrase.

    qanivazi

  3. Here’s my link, sorry! http://jessicasjapes.wordpress.com/2010/11/18/dark-severance/

  4. till my life’s work is finished … Great end!

  5. We have the power to choose how to create our lives. And our choices affect others. Thought-provoking poem.

    http://liv2write2day.wordpress.com/2010/11/17/jingles-poetry-rally-thanksgiving/

  6. Wonderful message in your poem, I really enjoyed reading it as I have similar thoughts. Brilliant read!

  7. Aggressive language; tone worked well with the thematic movement of the poem. Dug the poem,

    crb.

  8. Jittery and jumping from phrase to phrase, the structure and rhythm in this one really work well to get your mood across–positive with reservations, finding by process of elimination. This was a good solid piece. Enjoyed the look into your world.

  9. Nice use of rhyme– sounds like a good spoken word piece.

  10. persistance, til my life’s work is finished – rally on, great turn on words here.

  11. A nice twist. Caught me by surprise. Good job.

    http://wordsworthmillions.wordpress.com/2010/11/18/counting-sheep/

  12. Nice, strong message here – need to get better, driving to improvement, have to fine meaning…the same story we’re all working on. Minor thing:
    “my crime is not malvolent or malign
    poetic justice, it’s called sometimes”

    I believe you mean malevolent, and I would stick with “sometime” rather than “sometimes,” as the semi-rhyme just sounds better there, and flows nicer, at least to me. Nice work!

  13. Good flow, rhythm, and rhyme. It’s the words, though, that are really interesting. Strong, especially the first two lines.

  14. *claps* awesome work !!

  15. Great piece! great flow. I loved this. Thank you for sharing.

  16. Thanks for sharing. I like your style! A bit different to what I am used to, but think it works really well! Thanks 🙂

  17. i really like the modern voice you use hear. never would’a compared poetry to the mob…nice work!

  18. You’re crying out for a change…but desperation is always there! Keep working, the end will be worth the work and sacrifices!


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